Welcome to AWM Destinations, the world’s leading travel agency for faraway and fantastical destinations. Each week, AWM Destinations will showcase a unique and exciting vacation destination and spotlight some of the exciting attractions, dining, and lodging options available at each location. We hope you enjoy this series of articles and look forward to hearing about your travels with AWM Destinations.
Written by Matthew Masino
Itchy & Scratchy Land
From their very first appearance on Channel 6’s The Krusty the Clown Show, the anthropomorphized cat and mouse duo of Itchy & Scratchy have been delighting viewers of all ages with their quirky, slapstick violence and bloody competitions. Now, you can step into their world when you visit Itchy & Scratchy Land. Just a short drive from Springfield, Itchy & Scratchy Land is home to the same simulated violence and charm you’ve come to love from the television series. With AWM Destinations, your vacation planning will be a breeze leaving you more time to enjoy the “Violentest Place on Earth.”
Travelling with AWM Destinations comes with many perks. Any party booking completed with AWM Destinations will automatically receive 8,000 Itchy & Scratchy Money. It’s just like real money, but it’s fun!
Getting There
Travel to Itchy & Scratchy Land is made easy with AWM Destinations. Whether driving yourself or taking one of our executive private charters, our custom guide maps will direct you from your home to the park using every shortcut we can find. On your drive, make sure to hit the local Flickey’s for family-friendly dining and top off your gas tank for the rest of your trip.
Once arriving (and paying a small fee) you’ll park in one of Itchy & Scratchy Land’s convenient parking lots: The Itchy Lot or The Scratchy Lot. Make sure to note which location you park in to make finding your car a breeze. Aboard a private helicopter, you’ll spot your view of Itchy & Scratchy Land: an island with two iconic stone carvings of Itchy and Scratchy which hold the park.
Attractions for the Whole Family
The park is divided into four main lands: Torture Land, Searing Gas Pain Land, Explosion Land, and Unnecessary Surgery Land. Hop aboard the Itchy & Scratchy Railroad for easy access to the simulated violence in each land. One of the park’s most popular attractions is the Log Ride. Aboard your 4-seat log boat, you and your party will pass a quiet bayou with singing animatronics and absolutely no problematic history. You’ll head down one of the ride’s many drops and pass shooting arrows and exploding cannons before a giant table saw cuts your log in half and shoots your party onto a padded floor. You’ll want to ride it again and again. And perfect for the kids is Itchy’s Land Mine (presented by Laramie Cigarettes) where you can run and play through an active minefield.
Parent’s Island
Looking to get away from the kids? That’s possible on Parent’s Island, the adult-only area of the park. Parent’s Island features top-quality amenities of all kinds including dancing, bowling, fashionable shops, over 100 bars and saloons, and a world class chemical dependency center. Visit T.G.I. McScratchy’s Goodtime Foodrinkery where you can ring in the New Year over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again! Grab your sweetheart and hit the dance floor as a live 5-piece band plays the hits of the past and present. Just next door, visit Itchy’s 70s Disco. You’ll be amazed at the detail at this disco, from the light-up dance floor to the John Travolta-look alike behind the bar.
Dining and Shopping
In addition to its world class attractions, Itchy & Scratchy Land also boosts a number of Michelin-rejected restaurants for the whole family. Dine at Tavern on the Scream where you can order dishes like Brain Burger with Extra Puss, Baby Guts, and Eyeball Stew! Disgusting names come with every dish in this wonderfully unique restaurant experience.
You won’t want to forget to visit one of the many gift shops available in the park. Purchase exclusive merchandise including Itchy ears, action figures, hats, mugs, and bloody axes. You’ll also want to be sure to check out the stuffed animal section, where you can pick up your favorite Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour plushie including the Disgruntled Goat, Uncle Ant, and Ku Klux Klam. And don’t forget to grab a personalized Itchy & Scratchy license plate for the Borts in your life.
[Please note, Itchy & Scratchy Money is not accepted at any dining or gift shop location.]
Guests with concerns about the level of simulated violence should know that park management is just as concerned as you are. That’s why they’re always careful to show the consequences of the deadly mayhem. The goal of the park is to both educate and horrify.
Booking your next vacation at Itchy & Scratchy Land is sure to be an experience you and your family will never forget. You’ll make plenty of lifelong memories while exercising outdoors. Click here to learn more about Itchy & Scratchy Land and book your trip. Also, for our European travelers, be sure to be disappointed by Euro-Itchy and Scratchy Land, the European version of everything we just said. Thank you again for choosing AWM Destinations and we look forward to you traveling with us soon.
AWM Destinations is the world’s leading travel agency to faraway and fictional destinations. We provide custom travel services involving air, rail, twister transport, car rentals, magic portals, hotel reservations, tours, and sightseeing. Our mission is to connect travelers from around the world with a diverse range of destinations and experiences. From theme parks to tropical islands to fantasy kingdoms, AWM Destinations is your one-stop shop for inside access to the most exciting and exclusive destinations in the world, and beyond.
Matthew Masino is the Community Engagement Manager for the AWM. He is also a content creator, writer, and theatre director based in Chicago, Illinois. He graduated with a B.F.A. in Theatre Directing from Columbia College Chicago in 2019. As a theatre artist, Matthew has worked with the International Voices Project, the Chicago Fringe Festival, and BYOT Productions. You can learn more by visiting his website www.matthewmasino.com.